I suppose you probably thought there’d be some kind of post related to AMC’s The Walking Dead which premieres its second season tonight. Well, guess what? I’m too upset to post about that tonight. I’m too upset because some idiot douchefuck has ruined my night. Someone thought it would be funny to hack into Sesame Street‘s YouTube account and post a few porn videos.
|Telly… How could you?|
Obviously, this being the age of instant transmission of information and whatnot… this isn’t something that lasted very long. The porn was up and down a few times over the course of the 22 minutes. That’s how long before someone outright suspended the entire Sesame Street account. From that point, until the nasty business was sorted out about an hour later, none of Sesame Street’s videos could be watched on YouTube.
Here’s a personal message to whoever it was that took the time to do this:
I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I know that you’re busy fapping away at the idea that a bunch of parents and little kids are crying at your 1337 hackjob. I know you suddenly think you’re Tyler Durden meets Zero Cool. You know what you are? An unoriginal idiot. Anyone could think of porn. At 15, working at a local video store, I swapped the inputs with the outputs of the security monitor and popped Anal Assassins in the VCR on the guy that worked the shift after me. It was unoriginal then, almost 20 years ago. It’s unoriginal now. You’re a dumbfuck. You could have slowly played with the account for months before anyone caught on, I’d bet. Instead you blow your whole load on a couple of lame ass-to-mouth vids? Enjoy your 15 minutes. No one will ever think or care about you again.
But this incident was particularly frustrating for me, because part of my nightly routine to wind down Charlotte is to watch several of these videos with her on my lap, and me browsing blogs, reddit and other ridiculous temporal black holes. I wasn’t able to really do that, since half of the videos we watch every night were down.
Now, I don’t know about any of your kids out there in internetland… by mine isn’t fussy about sleep. She doesn’t care for it in the least. In the last 18 months, she might have slept for 15 minutes or so. I can’t be sure. I’m too fucking tired. In addition to watching YouTube videos with her, I need to jump through flaming hoops, sing songs, dance, ride a BigWheel bike around the living room, and throw spaghetti noodles on the ceiling just to get her to yawn. And when you take any of these crucial items out of the equation… she doesn’t sleep.
So obviously, the fact that the whole routine got delayed by an hour has me pretty much enraged. If I were to get a hold of whatever dicknuckle thought it would be fun and original to repeatedly post porn to Sesame Street’s YouTube channel, it wouldn’t be pretty. If it were filmed, it would probably fill the void anyone is feeling about there not being a new Saw sequel this Hallowe’en. It would make the second half of Hostel look like Cinderella. It would damn sure violate YouTube’s Terms of Service Agreement.
|I understand the blowtorch… but what are the christmas tree decorations fo–