Roof Racks.

Those racks on the top of bigger vehicles that are supposedly for hauling around canoes or skis or other stupid crazy active living garbage on the roof of their vehicle.  No one uses them.  Ever.  For anything.  But almost every large vehicle has them.  Why?  It’s exclusively to piss me off, I’m sure.

Why does it piss me off?  Snow.  The fucking things collect ice and snow like a fucking OCD penguin.

Satan’s Greatest Tool.

Look at the picture.  Just fucking look at it.  See that big square it makes an inch and a half above the roof, just waiting for some kind of ice/snow mixture to gather up inside it?  You can almost feel the cold wind blowing by as your arms tire from flipping from scraper end to brush end, each time getting no closer to having a snowless rooftop.  Along with rolling up the rim of Tim’s cups to “Essaie Encore SVP” and watching the pre-empted Canadian commercials of every televised Super Bowl, scraping off the roof a vehicle with these things is just one of the many forms of familiar eternal punishment awaiting all Canadians when we get to Hell.
And how fucking insane is that roof rack site?  Look at the links…  “News”, “Press Office”?  Is roof rack technology that fucking cutting edge that there’s news?   MODEL #36GBM5-78IOS NOW AVAILABLE IN TITANIUM GREY!  NEW VERSATRACK™ SYSTEM INCREASES STORAGE CAPACITY 22.7%.  I could just piss with excitement.