Dolph Double Dip

Bubbawheat, over at Flights, Tights and Movie Nights is running a little something called “The Comic Strip Double Dip Blogathon“.  The idea is to get all us writey types to focus our creative energies on one specific topic.  In this case, it’s exploring the performances of actors who have taken on more than one Comic Book inspired movie role.  He put together a big list, making it easy to pick out a topic, and right around the middle of it, staring back at me was the perfect excuse to re-watch two movies I’ve been dying to revisit for years.

DolphLundgren

That’s right…  Dolph Lundgren:  Frank Castle/He-Man.  Dolph plays Frank Castle in 1989’s The Punisher, and he plays He-Man in 1987’s Masters of the Universe.  I’ve got a few thoughts about these movies in general before we delve deep into Dolph dichotomy discussion.

Both of these films are widely viewed as completely awful movies that don’t do any justice to their source material. Oddly, in both cases, I remember thinking that they were, in fact, widely underrated.  On a more personal note, since I’m not a big Rocky fan (I like Rocky III, and acknowledge Rocky is something special), these two roles, for me, are Dolph’s defining roles.  I mean, I can name at least two other non-Expendables titles he’s been in, but these two movies I remember as Dolph Lundgren movies.

So, without further ado… let us determine the answer to the age old question that no one has ever bothered to ask…  “Who does Dolph Lundgren play better, He-man or Frank Castle?”

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Dante’s Inferno (Xbox 360)

Burn, Baby, Burn:

Reviewing 18 month old games is fun and relevant! Just this Saturday I wrapped up a Zealot (Normal difficulty) playthrough of Dante’s Inferno.  It’s an early 2010 release from Visceral Games and EA.  Loosely (probably very loosely) inspired by The Divine Comedy, the player controls Dante, the Templar Knight, as he descends his way into Hell after killing Death and stealing his scythe, so that he can free the soul of Beatrice, the woman, he loves from Lucifer’s clutches.

It also features a metric crapton of creepiness, gore and nudity.

Pictured: Strategically Placed Hand.

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Watchmen Weekend.

Like many other fat guys with glasses, I went and saw Watchmen this weekend.  I also read Watchmen this weekend.  And after watching the movie, I read reviews of Watchmen this weekend.  After taking in as much Watchmen I could, my overall opinion is… I agree.

You see, random fat guys with glasses were arguing with other fat guys with glasses about many things this weekend.  “What to expect from Watchmen the movie.”  “What Watchmen the graphic novel (That’s nerdspeak for comicbook, to the layperson) really meant.” “Did the plan really succeed, or did Rorschach succeed?”  “Was Papa Smurf really neccessary?” “My wasn’t that a lot of gore for a comicbook movie?” “3 hours?  Seriously?”  These questions and more have teh internets tubs clogged.  And I agree with everyone.
Some people are saying they were disappointed.  Others loved the movie.  Others still have placed it on a pedestal.  Others want to scream out and cry foul.  I agree with all of them. The violence was unparralleled, gory, exhausting, entertaining, tiresome, unremarkable, uncharacteristic and exhilerating.  Dr. Manhattan’s full frontalness, the Nite Owl’s thrusting and Silk Spectre’s high beams were all completely gratitous, unneccessary, required, impressive, meaningful, stiff, ironic, satirical, grotesque, blasphemous and appalling.  I have never enjoyed such a boring masterpiece with so much action packed excitement it could put down a sick horse in my life. I couldn’t possibly be more disappointedly pleased that they were able to stray so close to the original source material.  
Three Apples Tall.
The fact that this movie has shocked, confused, amazed, bored, alienated, disgusted, disgruntled and entertained millions while nearly becoming a huge commercial success means it is exactly like the graphic novel.   And because the graphic novel is a textbook technical classic that is quite open to misinterpretation, that means that no one, and everyone, has the right, and wrong, opinion of it, and I agree with them.