Being a fat guy with glasses can be hard sometimes. There’s this gigantic urge inside you to tear apart everything that you see, bitch and moan about it on the internet, and feel better about yourself as a person. But there are some things… things that are so special… so unimaginably awesome… no amount of nitpicking, growling, ranting, pissing or moaning can make them unawesome.

These things include (but are not limited to) in no particular order:

  • Finding money.
  • Video (Home or Professional, it makes no difference) of Explosions.
  • Zombies. (Important Note: I said Zombies, not Zombie movies. The fictional monsters themselves are incredibly awesome beyond belief. They are not, however, awesome enough to make anything that features them automatically awesome. That’s right, I’m looking at you, “The Zombie Diaries”.)
  • Fucking. Both the word and the act.
  • Having the ability to fix shit that’s broken, without paying someone.
  • Fireworks.
  • The original PSA of Astar the Robot.

Slow Month

Hasn’t really been that much going on lately that I haven’t already growled about.  It’s been ridiculously cold this week, but no one has really annoyed me that much.

The only people that have pissed me off lately have been Rogers.  They sent me an offer in the mail, which normally wouldn’t bother me.  But this was an offer for a free Xbox360 game… one I really want called “Gears of War 2”.  It features a machine gun with a freaking chainsaw built into it.
Yeah.  Awesome.
So I call them up, to find out what hoops will need to be jumped through to get a free videogame.  Turns out I can get the game if I switch to either of their high-end packages…  10MB max dl speed, blah blah blah, stuff I don’t give a shit about that help sell internet to people that don’t know shit about it, modem with a wired/wireless router built-in, no installation fees, 15 bucks for “Activation Fees”… All sounds good so far, Gears 2 for 15 bucks basically…  Until they get to the final clause, the two packages have 60GB or 95GB max usage per month.
I only have a 100GB hard drive, and I fill and empty the thing on an almost weekly basis, without including my online gaming.  Since Thursday I believe I’ve downloaded about 12 GB of a show called Celebrity Big Brother UK.  It’s awesome.  They’ve got LaToya Jackson locked into a house with Mini-Me and Coolio, and a bunch of famous Brits I’ve never even remotely fucking heard of.  I downloaded a Gig of videos onto my Xbox.  Mel’s likely downloaded some episodes of a shitty 80s/90s sitcom.  That doesn’t include any actual gaming, Facebooking, YouTubing, Torrent Seeding or any other foolishness that goes on through the tubes of internet that get clogged every Saturday.
Fuck you Rogers.  The internet is not a cellphone.  Offer unlimited usage, or suck the 10GB that I sprinkle on my Kellogg’s Corn Flakes™ each morning as part of my complete fucking breakfast.

I Got Yer Usage Right Here.

I was torn there. Wasn’t sure if that should be the caption, or “This image is actually so big I could only download it 3030 times in a month if I went with Rogers.”