Adventures of Thunderstorm: Return of Thor (2011)

Thunderstorm ThorWhat the fuck did I just watch?  Why did I watch all of it?  What is wrong with me?  Seriously.  There’s something not firing right in my brain.  I watched the whole thing.  I’m reasonably sure that watching the entirety of this movie qualifies me as a self-mutilator now, and that I may need to be put on some kind of self-harm watch list.

I mean, sure, it’s a Canadian made, Direct-to-Video, Superhero movie.  I went in knowing it would be bad… maybe even awful.  But I had no idea it’d be like this.  Never like this.

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Thor: The Dark World (2013)

ThorThe Dark WorldThere’s an old Norse saying:  “When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.”  At least I think that’s an old Norse saying.  I might be confusing it with something else.

In Thor:  The Dark World Chris Hemworth once again dons hammer and cape of the Odinson, Thor.  This time, the fate of the entire 9 realms is in his hands.  A phenomenon known as “The Convergence”, the alignment of all 9 realms, approaches.  This once-every-five-millenia occurence causes all sorts of bizarre spatial and gravitational side effects on each realm, which offers the evil Dark Elf Malekith  a chance to put them all at risk.

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Blue Pill – A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

Die Hard 5Bruce Willis once again throws on a wifebeater and calls himself John McClane, tortured traveller.  This time, McClane reconnects with his son, who has apparently gotten himself into some trouble in Moscow.  One crappy plane ride and one crappy cab ride later, and John finds himself up to his neck in shit.  Car chase, Something, something, something, explosions… Yippie Kai Yay Mr. Falcon.

This is one of two reviews I’ll be writing for A Good Day To Die Hard.  I’m doing this, because I am of a completely split mind.  On the one hand…  this is a terrible movie.  Really.  Possibly one of the worst I’ve seen in years.  On the other hand…  I fucking LOVED watching it.  The last movie I enjoyed watching this much was The Avengers.  If you’ll excuse a reference to The Matrix you can take the Red Pill, and find out all about how bad this movie is…  OR… you can take the Blue Pill by continuing to read this article, and find out how much goddamn fun I had watching this movie.

Red PillBlue Pill

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Red Pill – A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

Die Hard 5Bruce Willis once again throws on a wifebeater and calls himself John McClane, tortured traveller.  This time, McClane reconnects with his son, who has apparently gotten himself into some trouble in Moscow.  One crappy plane ride and one crappy cab ride later, and John finds himself up to his neck in shit.  Car chase, Something, something, something, explosions… Yippie Kai Yay Mr. Falcon.

This is one of two reviews I’ll be writing for A Good Day To Die Hard.  I’m doing this, because I am of a completely split mind.  On the one hand…  this is a terrible movie.  Really.  Possibly one of the worst I’ve seen in years.  On the other hand…  I fucking LOVED watching it.  The last movie I enjoyed watching this much was The Avengers.  If you’ll excuse a reference to The Matrix you can take the Blue Pill, and find out all about how fun this movie was to watch…  OR… you can take the Red Pill by continuing to read this article, and find out just how goddamn awful this movie really is…

Red Pill

Blue Pill

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