What the fuck did I just watch? Why did I watch all of it? What is wrong with me? Seriously. There’s something not firing right in my brain. I watched the whole thing. I’m reasonably sure that watching the entirety of this movie qualifies me as a self-mutilator now, and that I may need to be put on some kind of self-harm watch list.
I mean, sure, it’s a Canadian made, Direct-to-Video, Superhero movie. I went in knowing it would be bad… maybe even awful. But I had no idea it’d be like this. Never like this.
Robert Downey Jr. returns to the big screen again as Tony “Iron Man” Stark in Iron Man 3. It’s the flagship title of Marvel Films “Phase 2”, kicking of another series of movies leading up to Avengers 2. In the wake of the events of The Avengers, Tony finds himself having a hard time adjusting to his experience fighting of a legion of aliens, lead by an angry Norse God. Acknowledging his own mortality, and the fact that he’s just “a man in a can” has left him sleepless and reclusive. Adding to the troubles is the appearance of frightening cultural Hodge-Podge of a terrorist, The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley), who’s been linked to 9 mysterious explosive attacks on American interests around the world.
Distracted and distant, Tony is once again at risk of losing the one thing he fights so hard to protect, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), when a man from their past, Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) returns with a business proposal. Between blowing up all the bad guys, Tony once again has to set himself on a course of learning personal responsibility and what it means to grow up.
My head’s rolling around after this one. It really is. By all rights, this movie should be fucking terrible, and I should hate it. I don’t know how to write this review without spoiler-upon-spoiler, but I’m going to try. I want to rip it apart and then explain why none of it matters. I’m bordering on making another Red Pill/Blue Pill set of reviews here. Instead, I can only say what I feel: I had a fucking blast watching this movie. If you can turn off your brain, and just enjoy RDJ being Tony Stark, and like watching big explosions, then this is the show for you.