Lauren Myracle’s “ttyl”

301023[1]I am not the target audience for this book. I’m so fucking far from the target audience of this book, I should have never even picked it up. But I needed something to round out 10 books for $10 at Salvation Army, and this intrigued me.

I remember seeing the cover and thinking, “What the fuck is this shit?” Bright pink with cutouts around some emoticons and the title is “ttyl”? Ugh. Then I opened it to find bright blue Comic Sans staring me in the face. Comic Sans?

Again, “What the fuck is this shit?” The section I opened to seemed to be a book laid out to look like a Messenger chat-log. I flipped through the pages. Once more, “What the fuck is this shit?” It’s not just one section.

I passed it over to my now-ex but then-wife, Mel. “Have you seen this shit? What the fuck?”

“That’s the stupidest looking book I’ve ever seen. You should buy it,” she said.

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Snakes on a Plane (2006)

 

Snakes on a Plane 2006Wait… What?  2006?  2006!?  There is no fucking way that this movie is almost 8 years old.  Kids born the year this movie came out are not only in school, but they’re like in their 2nd or 3rd year.  That is messed up.  Time sure does fly.

Like an airplane.

BOOM.  Segue mastered.

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Watchmen Weekend.

Like many other fat guys with glasses, I went and saw Watchmen this weekend.  I also read Watchmen this weekend.  And after watching the movie, I read reviews of Watchmen this weekend.  After taking in as much Watchmen I could, my overall opinion is… I agree.

You see, random fat guys with glasses were arguing with other fat guys with glasses about many things this weekend.  “What to expect from Watchmen the movie.”  “What Watchmen the graphic novel (That’s nerdspeak for comicbook, to the layperson) really meant.” “Did the plan really succeed, or did Rorschach succeed?”  “Was Papa Smurf really neccessary?” “My wasn’t that a lot of gore for a comicbook movie?” “3 hours?  Seriously?”  These questions and more have teh internets tubs clogged.  And I agree with everyone.
Some people are saying they were disappointed.  Others loved the movie.  Others still have placed it on a pedestal.  Others want to scream out and cry foul.  I agree with all of them. The violence was unparralleled, gory, exhausting, entertaining, tiresome, unremarkable, uncharacteristic and exhilerating.  Dr. Manhattan’s full frontalness, the Nite Owl’s thrusting and Silk Spectre’s high beams were all completely gratitous, unneccessary, required, impressive, meaningful, stiff, ironic, satirical, grotesque, blasphemous and appalling.  I have never enjoyed such a boring masterpiece with so much action packed excitement it could put down a sick horse in my life. I couldn’t possibly be more disappointedly pleased that they were able to stray so close to the original source material.  
Three Apples Tall.
The fact that this movie has shocked, confused, amazed, bored, alienated, disgusted, disgruntled and entertained millions while nearly becoming a huge commercial success means it is exactly like the graphic novel.   And because the graphic novel is a textbook technical classic that is quite open to misinterpretation, that means that no one, and everyone, has the right, and wrong, opinion of it, and I agree with them.

Slow Month

Hasn’t really been that much going on lately that I haven’t already growled about.  It’s been ridiculously cold this week, but no one has really annoyed me that much.

The only people that have pissed me off lately have been Rogers.  They sent me an offer in the mail, which normally wouldn’t bother me.  But this was an offer for a free Xbox360 game… one I really want called “Gears of War 2”.  It features a machine gun with a freaking chainsaw built into it.
Yeah.  Awesome.
So I call them up, to find out what hoops will need to be jumped through to get a free videogame.  Turns out I can get the game if I switch to either of their high-end packages…  10MB max dl speed, blah blah blah, stuff I don’t give a shit about that help sell internet to people that don’t know shit about it, modem with a wired/wireless router built-in, no installation fees, 15 bucks for “Activation Fees”… All sounds good so far, Gears 2 for 15 bucks basically…  Until they get to the final clause, the two packages have 60GB or 95GB max usage per month.
I only have a 100GB hard drive, and I fill and empty the thing on an almost weekly basis, without including my online gaming.  Since Thursday I believe I’ve downloaded about 12 GB of a show called Celebrity Big Brother UK.  It’s awesome.  They’ve got LaToya Jackson locked into a house with Mini-Me and Coolio, and a bunch of famous Brits I’ve never even remotely fucking heard of.  I downloaded a Gig of videos onto my Xbox.  Mel’s likely downloaded some episodes of a shitty 80s/90s sitcom.  That doesn’t include any actual gaming, Facebooking, YouTubing, Torrent Seeding or any other foolishness that goes on through the tubes of internet that get clogged every Saturday.
Fuck you Rogers.  The internet is not a cellphone.  Offer unlimited usage, or suck the 10GB that I sprinkle on my Kellogg’s Corn Flakes™ each morning as part of my complete fucking breakfast.

I Got Yer Usage Right Here.

I was torn there. Wasn’t sure if that should be the caption, or “This image is actually so big I could only download it 3030 times in a month if I went with Rogers.”