Fat Dad With Glasses: Bachin’r

I was bachin’r last week.  That’s pronounced batch-in-er.  It’s derived from bacheloring.  Which, as far as I know, is also a fake word.  It’s when your spouse leaves you alone while they visit family or friends, and they take every other occupant of the household with them.  Wife, kids, pets, responsibilities of all kinds disappear for a period of time greater than one night but less than forever.  It’s also the reason I didn’t feel like blogging with so many other possibilities (video games) available to me.

I had been bachin’r since Sunday evening, when I got back from dropping Mel and Charlotte off at her parents’ place in the middle of Buttfuck Nowhere (BFN).  Here’s a map:

This is a null image.
Do not Google Image Search “Buttfuck Nowhere”.

The experience ended Friday evening when I returned to BFN.  Bachin’r is a wonderful time in a Fat Dad With Glasses’ life. It teaches you many different lessons that you need to be reminded of.

The first nights are wonderful.  Since it was insisted upon that the place be clean before we left, I got to return to a bright, clean, empty, quiet home.  After calling the family to say that I landed, I shut off the phone, and turned off pretty much every screen in the place, without having to put it on Yo Gabba Gabba or that goddamn Bruno Mars video with the monkeys.  My MMORPG of choice, City of Heroes, required an update, so that bought me some time to make food, perform 2 out of the 3 S’s, and watch stuff on TV that wasn’t fuzzy shit singing and dancing at me.

Once the update was done downloading, and applied and such, it was time to play.  I played like I was 20 again (i.e. pretty well constantly for the next 6 or 7 hours).  I had some beer.  Once that was over, I watched an insanely shitty zombie movie, read some of A Feast For Crows and went to bed.  Then… I woke up in the morning.  Not 4 times through the night to the screaming of my delightfully sleep-hating daughter.  I went to work, and the process repeated itself.

After those first few days are up, you slowly start to realize what your life would be like without your family.  That’s less than exciting.  But it’s great at the same time.  You appreciate your life and family and whatnot more, and you really look forward to seeing them again.  In my case, I also realize that without a female influence of some kind, I’m perfectly willing to live in complete squalor.  At least, you are until you realize that tomorrow you’ll have to head off to retrieve the family again and you need to suddenly make your home not look like it’s a warzone.

Pictured: Bachin’r, Day 3.
How am I going to clean up that tank without help?

Here are some of the week’s highlights and lowlights:


‘Round about Day 4.