Evil Dead 2 (1987)

Evil Dead 2Evil Dead 2 follows a grand tradition of horror movie sequels.  It has more of almost everything.  It has more blood.  It has more gore.  It has more characters.  It has more Evil-Vision™.  It has more laughs.  About the only thing it doesn’t have more of, is fright.  You see, since The Evil Dead found so much success by not being taken seriously, Raimi directs resident ham Bruce Campbell in a slapstick comedy that features tons of laughs, blood and gore.  This new formula works very well.  The movie is wall to wall cheese, but unlike most intentional cheese, Evil Dead 2 is actually funny.

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S. G. Browne’s “Breathers”

Breathers by S. G. BrowneAndy Warner lost everything after his car crashed about 5 months ago. He lost his wife, his daughter, his friends, his home, his life. That’s about when his body reanimated.

Breathers tells a story about a world where zombies are real, sentient, and seen as a gross nuisance to those they’ve left behind. They have no purpose, no civil rights, and no means of making any kind of a new life for themselves. If a zombie decides to venture out in the world, they’re mocked and shunned by day, and actively hunted by frat boys by night.

So, Andy spends his days drinking his parents expensive wine and watching terrible daytime TV. He spends most of his nights the same way. Twice a week he meets with his Undead Anonymous support group. Things stay pretty well the same, until Andy meets a new friend, and decides to start encouraging social change.

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Fat Dad With Glasses: Sesame Street Hacked

Greetings, Friends.

I suppose you probably thought there’d be some kind of post related to AMC’s The Walking Dead which premieres its second season tonight.  Well, guess what?  I’m too upset to post about that tonight.  I’m too upset because some idiot douchefuck has ruined my night.  Someone thought it would be funny to hack into Sesame Street‘s YouTube account and post a few porn videos.

Telly… How could you?

Obviously, this being the age of instant transmission of information and whatnot… this isn’t something that lasted very long.  The porn was up and down a few times over the course of the 22 minutes.  That’s how long before someone outright suspended the entire Sesame Street account.  From that point, until the nasty business was sorted out about an hour later, none of Sesame Street’s videos could be watched on YouTube.

Here’s a personal message to whoever it was that took the time to do this:

Dear Asshat,

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I know that you’re busy fapping away at the idea that a bunch of parents and little kids are crying at your 1337 hackjob.  I know you suddenly think you’re Tyler Durden meets Zero Cool.  You know what you are?  An unoriginal idiot.  Anyone could think of porn.  At 15, working at a local video store, I swapped the inputs with the outputs of the security monitor and popped Anal Assassins in the VCR on the guy that worked the shift after me.  It was unoriginal then, almost 20 years ago.  It’s unoriginal now.  You’re a dumbfuck.  You could have slowly played with the account for months before anyone caught on, I’d bet.  Instead you blow your whole load on a couple of lame ass-to-mouth vids?  Enjoy your 15 minutes.  No one will ever think or care about you again.


Sincerely,
Me.

But this incident was particularly frustrating for me, because part of my nightly routine to wind down Charlotte is to watch several of these videos with her on my lap, and me browsing blogs, reddit and other ridiculous temporal black holes.  I wasn’t able to really do that, since half of the videos we watch every night were down.

Now, I don’t know about any of your kids out there in internetland… by mine isn’t fussy about sleep.  She doesn’t care for it in the least.  In the last 18 months, she might have slept for 15 minutes or so.  I can’t be sure.  I’m too fucking tired.  In addition to watching YouTube videos with her, I need to jump through flaming hoops, sing songs, dance, ride a BigWheel bike around the living room, and throw spaghetti noodles on the ceiling just to get her to yawn.  And when you take any of these crucial items out of the equation… she doesn’t sleep.

So obviously, the fact that the whole routine got delayed by an hour has me pretty much enraged.  If I were to get a hold of whatever dicknuckle thought it would be fun and original to repeatedly post porn to Sesame Street’s YouTube channel, it wouldn’t be pretty.  If it were filmed, it would probably fill the void anyone is feeling about there not being a new Saw sequel this Hallowe’en.  It would make the second half of Hostel look like Cinderella.  It would damn sure violate YouTube’s Terms of Service Agreement.

I understand the blowtorch… but what are the christmas tree decorations fo– 
 Oh.

Re-Watching Dead: Guts



Two Down…

We wrapped up another episode of AMC’s The Walking Dead.  This time, there’s more of everything.  More characters, more gore, more diversity, more shooting stuff in the head, more suspension of disbelief and more frustruating departures from the comics.

Read what we thought of the show’s second episode, “Guts” for a chance to win a free* puppy.

As Rick escapes from his sticky situation with the help of Glen, he fires off a ridiculous amount of gunshots drawing every extra that turned out to spend a hot Atlanta day in sticky makeup.  This greatly upsets Glen’s ethnically diverse group of tagalong co-scavengers.  They spend the rest of the episode sulking while Rick and Glen work their asses off to help them escape.  Particularly upset is a bald and racist Rowdy Burns, who doesn’t much care for anyone but himself.

Meanwhile, back at camp, Shane is making correct decisions based on the situation while coming off looking like a weasely chickenshit.

Things We Agree On:

Mel and I both enjoyed the episode overall.  Despite a few problems here and there, it is very strong.  It does a great job at suspense building.  The story isn’t entirely predictable, especially so if you hadn’t read the comics before watching.  The casting, acting and directing are fantastic.  The pacing of the episode is also great.  There aren’t many lulls in the action that aren’t neccessary or character building.

My guess is that someone in a boardroom looked at the first trade of the comic and said, “Hey… these are almost all white people.”  They likely did this because:
  • It’s true.
  • TV Boardroom types need to worry about this shit.

So, their answer was to, of course, recreate some characters from the comics as people who are other races and draw attention to the fact that their cast was now such an incredibly diverse rainbow of colours by adding a raging racist redneck as a plot device.

You sonofabitch.
You just made me say the “N” word.

The talent makes it work though.  Rick manages to take a punch like a bitch, and then summon his police training powers to difuse the situation with a cool speech and his trusty handcuffs, which surely won’t leave anyone in a Mad Max/Rorschach situation later on.

Another interesting part of the episode is seeing how Shane is ruling the roost over at Camp Dale’s Campertown.  Shane really is making (mostly) the right decisions, in my opinion.  Problem is, in a survival situation like the one these characters are in, the right decisions make you look like a weasel-douche.  They do a great job showing Shane’s relationship with Lori and Carl, though. He’s really developped a new family, which (thanks to last week’s too long car scene) was something you could tell he was really looking for.  It’s clear that the powers that be didn’t want anyone thinking Shane pulls an Anakin Skywalker later on.  They want the pacing and reasons behind his transformations to be perfectly clear.

Thing We Didn’t Agree On:

During the guts scene, Mel thought Rick’s pause was corny. It does seem a bit too reminiscent of Fight Club.  Still, I thought it performed its task well.  It’s there to show us that Rick hasn’t lost his humanity.  He’s really struggling to deal with this new world.  He doesn’t want to let go of the old. And then he hacks a dead dude to fucking pieces.

His name is Robert Paulsen.  His name is Robert Paulsen.

Random Rants:

Rant 1:  I remember reading after this episode aired, that several fans of the show were upset with Glen’s portrayal.  He steps up and makes a plan.  Some argued that this was against his character in the comic.  That he never steps up, and isn’t a planner.  I disagree completely.  Glen is the fucking Scarecrow.  The Wizard of Oz one… not the Batman one.  He comes up with some of the best ideas at any given time, but is constantly down on himself for not being smart, or a leader.  And in this episode, on that point at least, they fucking nail it.

Rant 2:  Mel thought that the zombies in this episode showed us that we’re dealing with a hodgepodge of different style zombies.  They’re slow.  They’re kinda fast.  They’re usin’ rocks.  They’re stumbling up ladders.  They’re climbing fucking fences.  She asked me what I thought of it.  I’m pretty sure she expected me to explode in anger.  But honestly, I’m more into consistency these days.  If this show puts forth a set of Zombie Rules, and it sticks to those Zombie Rules, that’s more what I’m interested in seeing.  At least until they pick up a gun and start firing.  I know Romero loves that shit… but fuck him.

Final Thoughts:

With enough suspension of disbelief, this episode is another great one.  If you can’t suspend enough disbelief to enjoy this…  then, probably, you’ve no business watching this show in the first place.  Despite showing some signs of heading down the wrong path we’ve still got ourselves a fantastic fucking show.

I’m not dead, I’m getting better.

*Free puppy subject to shipping and handling charges, and taxes and surcharges where applicable. Free puppy offer not available to Zombies. Free puppy may cause or contribute to the following illnesses: temporary blindness, permanent blindness, incontinence, outcontenence, supercontenence, mild cough, death, stomach discomfort, hoofenchoof, rabies, or chaffing of the thyroid.