Paul Dini & Bruce Timm’s masterpiece Batman: The Animated Series is pretty much the definitive Batman experience. When it came on the scene, it’s stylized visuals and compelling storytelling blew most other cartoons–hell… most other TV series, period–out of the water. However, the original toy line that came along with the series was a victim of the time. The figures were small, stiff, and lacking articulation.
When I discovered this line was coming, I was extremely excited. 6″ scale figures in the Timm style, with seemingly decent amounts of articulation. Joker and Harley were announced, along with the line’s first wave of figures. I was at my LCBS that day pre-ordering them. That was at least a year ago… I’m reasonably sure this is the longest I’ve had to wait for a figure I’ve ordered to arrive.
But today, she’s out. I went to the LCBS almost as soon as it opened, partly because I wanted my figure, partly because I was afraid after 12 months or more they may have lost my pre-order before they were ever able to actually order the figure. They had. So, I grabbed one of the shelf anyway, and headed home.
John Wick, or Keanu Reeves Kills Everyone or Tonight We’re Going to Movie Like It’s 1999, is the story of what happens when you kill an ex-assassin’s dog. Turns out, it’s just about exactly as wise as you might think it is.
John Wick has everything that’s been missing from the action movies I’ve been watching for about 15 years now. Lots of action, head shots, blood and brains splattering faces and walls, violence, revenge, deaths, dog killing, Daniel “Not JCVD” Bernhardt, Marilyn Manson on the soundtrack… for better or worse, John Wick is a return to the mid-late 90s, and I for one welcome it.
What the fuck did I just watch? Why did I watch all of it? What is wrong with me? Seriously. There’s something not firing right in my brain. I watched the whole thing. I’m reasonably sure that watching the entirety of this movie qualifies me as a self-mutilator now, and that I may need to be put on some kind of self-harm watch list.
I mean, sure, it’s a Canadian made, Direct-to-Video, Superhero movie. I went in knowing it would be bad… maybe even awful. But I had no idea it’d be like this. Never like this.
…and the award for Least Thought Out Licensed Product goes to…
For me, it’s the cup-holder clenched fists that turn this from innocent to kinda creepy. Maybe… maybe… if they hadn’t chosen a character that has faced horrible, creepy allegations for almost 60 years–Nope, it’d still be a kid sitting on the likeness of a super-dude’s crotch.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the product itself. If you want–or already have–one, I’m not making any judgements at all. It’s probably more of a comment on me that the first place my mind went when I saw this was straight in the gutter.
I know, I know, only a Sith deals in absolutes. Anyway, this is an obligatory end of the year post that’s a day late, because I never finish anything I start on time. This kind of stuff usually works best with bigger lists. Especially since I have such a hard time picking a best of/worst of anything. But I’m going to force myself to pick a best and worst, and a biggest surprise for each of the main media type things I consume regularly. For anyone just tuning in to my rants, that’s books, movies, video games, TV and toys. I like to leave music alone, because I just hate so goddamn much of it, and there really isn’t any good reason for it.
But that’s another rant. So… here we go with 2012 In Absolutes*.
*please keep in mind that I haven’t seen, played or read many things that were released this year. In regards to books, I haven’t read hardly anything at all that was released this year, so I’ll be dealing instead with the ones that I did indeed read, many of which were only really popularized this year because of movie tie-ins.
So, Charlotte is over 2 and a half years old now. I’m sure you’ve heard about the terrible twos. Kids do some of their craziest shit in their terrible twos. They sing, they dance, they have no shame, they have no volume control what-so-ever, and they are more adept at recording and repeating your conversations in inappropriate situations than Macaulay Culkin with a fucking Talk-Boy. Everyone that’s ever watched a family film, sit-com, or stand up comedian knows this.
But here at FGWG, I like to try and have your back. I like to pass on information no one seems to want you to know. Things like, breastfed infants projectile shitting distances of at least 6 feet with their diaper off. No one warns you about that. I thought the total surprises like that were the real danger. I was wrong. The real danger is the kind of stuff that you think might be over-exaggerated by others. Surely certain kinds of behaviour can’t go on for years, with no end in sight. Well, they can, and they probably will.