Wait… What? 2006? 2006!? There is no fucking way that this movie is almost 8 years old. Kids born the year this movie came out are not only in school, but they’re like in their 2nd or 3rd year. That is messed up. Time sure does fly.
Like an airplane.
BOOM. Segue mastered.
Snakes on a Plane stars Samuel L. Jackson as Samuel L. Jackson, a detective who has promised to protect the only witness
alive willing to testify against the Hawaiian Yakuza. Or something. Look. It’s not important. The witness sees a guy get beaten with a baseball bat, and the guy doing the beating fills a plane with sex crazed snakes of all shapes and sizes.
Well… maybe not shapes. They’re mostly snake-shaped. Mostly.
So, once they’re all in the air, a crate of flowers explodes in the cargo bay and CGI-riffic snakes storm the plane, latching on to exposed body parts and electrical wiring and killing things.
It might’ve been a bit of a slow burn, but once this thing got fired up, I was on board 100%. Almost everything I was hoping to see happened. Some things I never thought I’d see in a million years happened. For instance, not only is this the only action movie I can think of that has a dog, but no Save-The-Dog-Moment… it actually gets to feature an Avenge-The-Dog-Moment, which I feel is a million times more satisfying.It took me this long to finally watch this movie because people had told me it didn’t live up to their expectations. Well, I’ve finally seen it. I have to ask any of you who might’ve seen it, and said that… What exactly the fuck were you expecting?
This movie has almost everything anyone could have gone in hoping to see:
- A Plane
- Sam Jackson
- Bad jokes
- Awful story
- Plot holes
Hell… they even went back and re-shot a sequence to make sure we got the line “I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.” Granted, I don’t remember seeing Mr. Jackson punch a snake… but we all know that’s a feat that is best performed by JCVD in a mullet.
Snakes on a Plane is not Citizen Kane. You will not need your brain. In fact, your brain will probably put on parachute and jump right the fuck out of your head. This is an action/comedy. It’s the missing link between the cheesey creature features of the 50s and 60s, and the cheesey Blank-Shark (or Shark-Blank) SyFy originals of today. If you keep this in mind, I don’t know how you could come away disappointed.
Maybe, with 8 years distance between the crazy hype that surrounded this, it’s a little bit easier to not have been disappointed by it. All I know is I really wish I had seen it in theatres.