Review Grab Bag (6-15-13)

RGB 6-15-13

So, usually when I haven’t blogged much over a week or two, it’s because I haven’t had much time to consume any media.  This time, it’s because I haven’t happened to consume much media that I could write multiple paragraphs on.  Seriously.  I’ve watched several movies these past weeks… but even though I’ve really enjoyed, or even loved, them… I’ve just got nothing much to say about them.  So I had to save ’em up… and it’s RGB time, bitches.

The Captains (2011)

The Captains (2011)

Bill Shatner comes across as loving himself  a bit too much in this documentary talking to all of Star Trek‘s Captains about their lives and experiences before and after sitting in the Captain’s chair.  The Shat is his usual self.  I could listen to Patrick Stewart talk about growing grass for an hour, I think.  Avery Brooks is high as fuck.  Kate Mulgrew is surprisingly honest.  Scott Bakula is surprisingly energetic and into his interview.  Chris Pine comes off as trying very hard not to be condescending.  Watched it in two settings.  Probably 1/3rd or better of the movie’s talk has little or nothing to do with Star Trek.  I would have enjoyed it a lot more if that weren’t the case.

Borderline 4/5 teetering on the edge of a lower score, for pacing and not quite giving me what I wanted.


Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Even though I don’t think Adam Sandler and company have made me laugh since 2000, I still give them the chance because sometimes even if they’re not funny, the concept of his movies are often creative enough to give a decent story.  I didn’t expect this to be mind blowing or anything, but I was hoping to at least be mildly entertained.  I really would have enjoyed something here other than monster related butt jokes with a “Don’t pre-judge people” moral.  1/5


This Is The End (2013)

This Is The End (2013)

This movie was hilarious.  Absolute fucking juvenile hilarity.  It was so vulgar… I mean, it’s probably 75% dick, or dick-related, jokes.  So many Fucks.  But beyond that it was really well put together.  Everyone seemed commited to the idea, and that’s what makes a ridiculous comedy work.  I’d love to give this the full review treatment… because it deserves one.  But all I really have to say about it can be summed up in a couple sentences.  I laughed my fuckin’ nuts off.

Also… were any Gears of War fans out there also reminded of the end of Gears of War 2 with the Lambent Brumak and the Hammer of Dawn?  No?  Just me, huh?



Timecop (1994)

Timecop (1994)

The only thing that keeps this Van Dammetastic classic from a perfect score is that it was (as I recall) the first Van Damme movie that does not feature The Van Damme Triple Angle Roundhouse Kick.  You know the kick.  One jumping roundhouse kick to the face… shot from three different angles.  Maybe it’s shown in various speeds.  Maybe once slow mo, once regular mo, once super slow mo.  All shown back-to-back, to create the illusion that JCVD has just kicked the guy in the face three fucking times before he hits the ground.

If the VDTARK were present, this cheesefest would easily score perfection.  It’s got an excellent sci-fi concept, but is littered with the cheesey action and dialogue that follows JCVD everywhere.   Read between the lines to see the score.  Wo4lve/ri5ne

9 comments on “Review Grab Bag (6-15-13)

  1. Been seeing a lot of praise for This is the End… enough that even I, not exactly “modern comedy guy”, am interested in seeing it. Also, of course, I mean to see Timecop eventually, because a: Time travel and b: Jean Claude Van Damme.

    • I don’t picture you enjoying This Is The End, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try.

      Timecop on the other hand is a must watch. I’d be very curious to see what you’d think of it.

  2. “Bill Shatner comes across as loving himself a bit too much” LOL. Does he ever NOT? 😀

    LOL @ the concept of the VDTARK.

    The Gears of War reference went right over my head, even though I think I played that game all the way through. Glad to see you 5/5 This is the End though. I concur. It’s worthy!

    Oh, and Hotel Transylvania? 1/5 is right 😦

    • I don’t know that the Gears reference was intentional. It’s certainly easily missed. My brother played through Gears 2 about, without exaggeration, 35 times, and he wasn’t thinking of it either. Fantastic fucking movie, though.

      Glad to get you laughing, though. I’m on the lookout for JCVD now. I thought it was an actual documentary, and wanted to watch it eventually… but I just discovered it’s a mockumentary… and now I must see it.

  3. I kinda liked Hotel Transylvania I have to shamefully admit. I am seeing lots of mad love for This is the End, so am really looking forward to checking that one out when it opens.

    • Nothing shameful about it. I’m a champion of many a shitty movie. Honestly, had I been having a better day, or had my daughter been even remotely interested, it could have earned a couple more stars. But as it was… she didn’t want to finish it, and I stuck it out just to be able to give it a rating.

      As long as you’re okay with vulgar, This is the End is great. It’s basically 2 hours of a bunch of guys having fun on screen busting each others balls.

    • Oh, man. He was so high. He plays piano and sings his answers to the Shat. Which has Bill start singing his questions.

      It’s simultaneously hilarious, annoying and cringeworthy. Definitely not what one would expect to see out of Cpt. Sisko. What kind of example is he setting for Jake?

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