Found On the Internet: Bat-Seat

…and the award for Least Thought Out Licensed Product goes to…

::drumroll::

DC Comics!

DC Comics!

For me, it’s the cup-holder clenched fists that turn this from innocent to kinda creepy.  Maybe… maybe… if they hadn’t chosen a character that has faced horrible, creepy allegations for almost 60 years–Nope, it’d still be a kid sitting on the likeness of a super-dude’s crotch.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the product itself.  If you want–or already have–one, I’m not making any judgements at all.  It’s probably more of a comment on me that the first place my mind went when I saw this was straight in the gutter.

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Phoning It In: Worms: Armageddon (Playstation)

Here’s a review I wrote on Epinions.com 13 years ago today.  It’s for a fantastic party game from a time when I attended parties, Worms:  Armageddon.  The Worms series had been around for a number of years, even back then.  Now the franchise is a staple title of the downloadable game market.

Oh Dear!

Worms Armageddon [U] [SLUS-00888]-frontWorms: Armageddon” recently crawled on to my Playstation. I played the original “Worms” game for the computer about two years ago for the first time, and fell in love with it. Basically, the series is a mixture of the classic games “Lemmings” and “Scorched Earth“. You and up to 3 friends have a team of 4 worms, who try and blow the living daylights out of one another. The last team standing wins the war.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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One Week (2008)

OneWeekReleased to festivals in 2008, and in limited showings across Canada in 2009, One Week was written and directed by Michael McGowan.  It’s one of those inspiring movies meant to teach you to seize the day and live life on your own terms and whatnot.  This is not normally the type of thing I go for.  But there is one sure-fire way to get me to watch an inspiring soul-searching road movie…

Make it Canadian.

One Week stars Joshua Jackson as Ben Tyler.  It opens with Ben in his doctor’s office.  Ben’s told he’s got Stage IV cancer, and even with treatment… he’s probably done.  On his way home, Ben sees a motorcycle being sold by the guy from Beachcombers.  As he rolls up his Tim Horton’s Coffee Rim, it tells him to “Go west, young man”.  He tells his fiancée (Liane Balaban) he’s doing just that, bails on treatment and heads out looking for an adventure.

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Review Grab Bag (4-19-13)

RGB 4-26-13

Time for another Review Grab Bag.  Continuing with last month’s theme of having absolutely no theme, we’ve got a classic animated feature from Disney, a classic 80s toy, a debatable modern sci-fi classic film, and a relatively middle road, forgettable graphic novel.

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Dolph Double Dip

Bubbawheat, over at Flights, Tights and Movie Nights is running a little something called “The Comic Strip Double Dip Blogathon“.  The idea is to get all us writey types to focus our creative energies on one specific topic.  In this case, it’s exploring the performances of actors who have taken on more than one Comic Book inspired movie role.  He put together a big list, making it easy to pick out a topic, and right around the middle of it, staring back at me was the perfect excuse to re-watch two movies I’ve been dying to revisit for years.

DolphLundgren

That’s right…  Dolph Lundgren:  Frank Castle/He-Man.  Dolph plays Frank Castle in 1989’s The Punisher, and he plays He-Man in 1987’s Masters of the Universe.  I’ve got a few thoughts about these movies in general before we delve deep into Dolph dichotomy discussion.

Both of these films are widely viewed as completely awful movies that don’t do any justice to their source material. Oddly, in both cases, I remember thinking that they were, in fact, widely underrated.  On a more personal note, since I’m not a big Rocky fan (I like Rocky III, and acknowledge Rocky is something special), these two roles, for me, are Dolph’s defining roles.  I mean, I can name at least two other non-Expendables titles he’s been in, but these two movies I remember as Dolph Lundgren movies.

So, without further ado… let us determine the answer to the age old question that no one has ever bothered to ask…  “Who does Dolph Lundgren play better, He-man or Frank Castle?”

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Alter Egos (2012)

AlterEgosJordan Galland’s Alter Egos asks what would happen to all the world’s super-heroes, once all the super-villains are locked up.  Brendan (Kris Lemche), and his super hero alter-ego Fridge (short for Refrigerator).  Brendan’s stuck in a rut.  He feels run down and unappreciated.  His girlfriend has been cheating on him with his alter-ego, Fridge.  In the meantime, Fridge has been called to a remote motel by the Super Corps aid fellow hero C-Thru (Joey Kern) in what should be a run-of-the-mill prisoner transfer.  Things get complicated when Brendan falls for the desk clerk, Claudel (Brooke Nevin), and draws unwanted attention of her jealous police officer admirer, Jimmy (Danny Masterson, That 70s Show).

On one hand, Alter Egos seems to attempt to mix The Incredibles with Suicide Kings.  However, in the other it ends up throwing in ham-fisted globs of Indie Rom-Com in, removing whatever semblance of originality it might have had.

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Metroid: Zero Mission (Game Boy Advance)

Metroid_--_Zero_Mission_(box_art)Metroid has been around for almost 27 years.  The original game was released in Japan in 1986, and it got a North American release around the same time the next year.

The original game features a space bounty hunter in a high powered suit named Samus Aran.  Samus has come to the planet Zebes to stop a group of Space Pirates from exploiting an alien species, Metroids, in a bid to rule the galaxy.  The game was incredibly successful, influential and ground breaking.  It’s exploratory gameplay was among the first of its kind.  An incredibly eerie atmosphere, created by fantastic music, level and creature design marks it–arguably–as the invention of the Survival Horror genre of video games.  It’s practically like playing a video game of Alien.  And, of course, Samus Aran is the world’s first (recognized by Guinness Book of World Records) Playable Female Protagonist in a mainstream title, what’s more, is that the discovery of Samus’ gender comes as a surprise ending (Unless you know Justin Bailey…)

So, what happens almost 20 years later when you’ve created one of the most successful franchises of all time?  That’s right, kids… it’s time for a remake/reboot combo.  Enter:  Zero Mission.

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