Review Grab Bag (3-28-13)

RGB 3-28-13

Time for another Review Grab Bag, full of stuff I just  don’t have 2000+ words to describe.  This month, we’ve got Envelope-pushing TV, Envelope-Pushing Streaming Video, an abomination of a toy from 1991, and a young adult novel about teens kidnapped by super-villains who are then forced to become super-villains. Now that’s variety, ladies and gentlemen.

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Found On the Internet: Beetlejuice Minecraft Roller Coaster

I don’t care if you’ve never played Minecraft, or if you’ve never seen Beetlejuice.  You should watch this video.  It’s an amazing tribute to the movie, made in a fantastic and creative game.  And it’s tripping balls.

Of course, if you have played Minecraft, you’ll recognize this as a colossal example of Holy-Fucking-Shit-What-Have-I-Done-With-My-Life Syndrome.  Kudos to the creators for making something awesome, though.  Y’knowhaddImean?

Mongolian Death Worm (2010)

mongolian-death-worm-1I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me.  There are dozens, possibly dozens of dozens–which I guess would be grosses–of movies I haven’t seen, but have access to.  I’ve been really interested in watching LooperEquilibrium, and I don’t even know how many other titles lately.  But did I watch any of them?  Nope.

Instead of popping in the copies of those movies into my Blu-Ray player, I chose to stay at the computer, and run through Netflix’s streaming offering for the first time in a few weeks.  I saw a bunch of movies I’ve been interested in, and a few series, including the exclusive House of Cards series…  but did I watch any of them?  Nope.

Because there’s something wrong with me, I’m telling you.  In the recently added section, staring me in the face was Mongolian Death Worm.  I’d never heard of it.  We don’t get SyFy ’round these parts.  But since there’s something fundamentally wrong with the way my brain fires, I overlooked over a dozen movies, and a dozen shows I’ve been waiting and wanting to watch… and I put on Mongolian Fucking Death Worm.

I went into this movie with three expectations:

  1. It would be hilariously bad.
  2. It would look hilariously like shit.
  3. It would be an unabashed rip off of Tremors.

I was right about one thing.  It’s an unabashed rip off of Tremors.

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Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (Game Boy Advance)

FFTA GBA CoverSomewhere in the real world, 4 bullied kids with low self-esteem are brought together after school.  Mewt is the runt of the class and too smart for his own good.  Doned is a poor unfortunate soul in a wheelchair.  Ritz has the displeasure of being a young girl with white hair.   Doned’s older brother Marche catches flack for being “The New Guy”.   After losing a snowball fight with the school bullies, the kids gather together in a lonely room and pick up a copy of The Never Ending Story Final Fantasy: The Book and get sucked into a fantastic world known as Ivalice.

His friends lost to him, protagonist Marche has trouble adjusting to the fact that he’s not in Kansas anymore.  In Ivalice, bands of adventurers known as clans cross the country side looking for bounties, treasures and… well… adventure.  Clans often compete against one another and/or monsters in battles known as “Engagements”.  Each engagement is presided over by a Judge, the law enforcing class of the governing body of Ivalice.  Marche joins a clan, figuring that they’re his best hope to finding his friends, and a way back home.  Over the course of the game, Marche discovers that his friends aren’t as eager as he is to return home, and that convincing them–and himself–to go back home is going to be difficult work.

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I Hate Daylight Savings Time ’13

Never been a fan of Daylight Savings Time.  I do not like it.  At all.  Twice a year I sharpen up my machete and try to put together a time machine to go back and right this injustice.

DST has been creeping more and more of our time away, to the point that “Standard” time is only 5 months out of the year and begging for a name change.  Maybe this will be the year that they finally bite the bullet and leave the clock the fuck alone.  At least until the next leap hour, anyway.

Charlotte Says…

dadaddy

qdfchjk.iutetiohuill;m crhhmlhfxvghm hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

momommy

hi

bunny

cat

dog

gvxguku;

cka

cake

chrl

charlotte

pig

iok

iocoiu

bnhuf68iytdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

batmn

alice

ariel

i love you

Hi.

Hi.

Streex (Street Sharks, 1995, Mattel)

Streex & T-Bone

Originally launched as “Blades”, then recoloured and renamed, Streex is half man, half tiger shark, and a part of Mattel’s Street Sharks toy line.  I don’t know why I even bothered to note the year in the post title.  Just look at that fucking monstrosity, would you?  He’s wearing rollerblades.  You know exactly what year he’s from.

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Found on the Internet: The Walking Dead Intro (circa 1995)

“In an alternate universe, The Walking Dead aired in 1995. Here’s the intro”

Youtube user and goestoeleven posted this video yesterday.  It made its way to the front page of Reddit today.  And now it’s here.  Hooray!  I think they did a pretty slick job on this re-cut, though they might have laid on the messed up VHS tracking a bit too thick.

The music is from purple-planet.com

Dog Pound (2010)

Dog PoundDog Pound follows the story of three unrelated juvenile delinquents that all enter the Enola Vale Youth Correctional Center at the same time.  Angel (Mateo Morales) is a particularly young looking boy who gave armed assault and grand theft auto a try.  Davis (Shane “Spinner” Kippel of Degrassi:  The Next Generation) thought possession with intent to sell might be fun.  Butch (Adam Butcher) is already in a correctional facility when we meet him.  Obviously, he longs for more discipline… and earns a trip to Enola Vale by pushing his thumbs into a CO’s eyes, 28 Days Later style.  These three new fish attempt to make the best of their new surroundings, and might even have a chance, if they can stay on their CO’s good side, while simultaneously avoiding the attention of Enola Vale’s resident King-Shit, Banks (Taylor Poulin).

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