Review Grab Bag (12-31-12)

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Happy freakin’ New Year, everyone!  Let’s ring out the year with a Bag, a Grab Bag, shall we?  Since this month/year was supposed to be the end of it all, why not have a Grab Bag that focuses on life from other worlds?  We’ve got a movie, a series, a book with characters from a series, and a toy of a movie about…  it’s about aliens, man.

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A Muppet Family Christmas (1987/89)

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to almost all Christmas media, you might as well call me Scroogey McGrincherson.  I loathe almost all of it.  I can think of maybe 5 Christmas songs that don’t make me want to shove an electric drill into my ear, just to stop the screaming.  Quality “Christmas Specials” are fewer and farther between.  I can tolerate some of the old stop-motion specials.  Mickey’s Christmas Carol is decent enough.  I’ve been known to enjoy the movie “A Christmas Story”, and I’ll acknowledge the existence of some absolutely amazing Christmas episodes of NBC’s Community.  Jim Henson’s The Christmas Toy is also fantastic.  But there is one golden egg, one diamond in the rough, one sparkling jewel of Christmas joy amongst the media-stocking that is otherwise full of Christmas Coal.  That piece of greatness is “A Muppet Family Christmas”.

muppetfamilychristmas

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Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast)

Virtua TennisSo, while thrifting recently, I happened upon a SEGA Dreamcast, with 3 controllers and a memory card for a whopping 5 bucks.  You might not know about the Dreamcast.  “Isn’t that something that bloggers argue about in regards to upcoming anticipated movies based on intellectual properties they already love?”

SEGA’s Dreamcast is the straw that broke their console camel’s back.  The console failed so hard, and so spectacularly that SEGA, a company that had gone toe-to-toe with Nintendo for over 3 generations of consoles, said “Fuck it… lets put Sonic on the Gamecube.”

So, if this console sucked so badly it killed an entire production segment of a company, I probably should have just left it sitting there in Frenchy’s in the goddamn comforter bag someone tossed it into.  But I can make you this promise, dear reader:  I love video games, and I can say with certainty that if I see a console, any working console, for 5 bucks… and I don’t have it… I’m buying that sonnuvabitch on the spot.  Even if it didn’t come with a game.

“What the hell does any of that have to do with Virtua Tennis?” you’re possibly asking yourself.  “The title clearly states this is a review of Virtua Tennis.  I paid my 4 bits to see a Virtua Tennis review, an’ I’mma gonna sees a Virtua Tennis review.”  Well, as it turns out, the Dreamcast I bought did have a game with it after all.  After taking it out of the bag, and opening the disc tray, some kind hearted soul had shoved their copy of goddamn Virtua Tennis inside, a shiny piss-yellow coloured pearl in a giant blocky clam.

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Dead-Alive [Braindead] (1992)

deadalive2There’s an alarming trend in Zombie related media these days.  It seems that in recent years, Zombies are getting more and more serious.  I love a good, serious Zombie story as much as the next Fat Guy With Glasses, and I’ve been around the zombie block enough times to know that all this observation of the human condition that’s been taking place on shows like “The Walking Dead” and movies like “World War Z” is actually the genre returning to its preachy horror suspense roots.  None of that, however, keeps me from missing the comedy gore fests that dominated the 80s and 90s.

“Dead-Alive”, or “Braindead” depending on your location, is in this FGWG’s not-always-that-humble opinion, the pinnacle of the horror comedy genre.

 

 

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Phoning It In: Female Force #1: Betty White

I’ve been pretty busy tearing apart our bathroom this weekend, so I haven’t really had time to consume any media that I care to write about.  But since I’m still trying to get a hang of things here at WordPress, and I don’t want to go too long without posting something…  It must be time for another installment of Phoning It In… Where I post something I wrote somewhere else a long, long, time ago.  Today’s entry comes from Goodreads on July 6th, 2011.

 

Female Force: Betty WhiteFemale Force: Betty White by Patrick McCray

I’m a tremendous fan of comic books. My wife is a tremendous fan of Betty White. Obviously, the moment we discovered the existence of this gem, we needed to have it.

 

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Fat Dad With Glasses: WAKE UP, DA!

So, Charlotte is over 2 and a half years old now.  I’m sure you’ve heard about the terrible twos.  Kids do some of their craziest shit in their terrible twos.  They sing, they dance, they have no shame, they have no volume control what-so-ever, and they are more adept at recording and repeating your conversations in inappropriate situations than Macaulay Culkin with a fucking Talk-Boy.  Everyone that’s ever watched a family film, sit-com, or stand up comedian knows this.

But here at FGWG, I like to try and have your back.  I like to pass on information no one seems to want you to know.  Things like, breastfed infants projectile shitting distances of at least 6 feet with their diaper off.  No one warns you about that.  I thought the total surprises like that were the real danger.  I was wrong.  The real danger is the kind of stuff that you think might be over-exaggerated by others.  Surely certain kinds of behaviour can’t go on for years, with no end in sight.  Well, they can, and they probably will.

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Review Grab Bag (12-3-12)

Maybe it’s been over a year, but welcome again to the Review Grab Bag…  the Review Free-For-All.  If it can be reviewed, it’s fair game… good, great, bad or steaming pile of shit.

Today we’ve got 2 books, a Wii game and a movie (that’s an adaptation of a book about comic books and games! Everything is connected, in the great Circle of Reviews.   Ing-wing-yamma Ing-we-yamma-bahna.

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Paragon Forever

Patty at Wentworths
Patty Prestige at her favourite location.


Already Gone:

Well, it’s been a rough year for me electronically. All other aspects of life have been on varied. Most things, at times, have managed to be “Shitty”, “Poor”, “Negotiable”, “Great”, “Fantastic” and “Fan-fucking-tastic”. But, for me, on the electronic escapism front, 2012 has sucked copious amounts of sagging, wrinkly, greying, wiry scrotum hairs. That’s disgusting. I know. I won’t apologize though. That’s how I’ve felt about the handling of my two favourite video game franchises this year.

First off, this spring BioWare cut and pasted a picture of a steaming dung pile into where the end of the Mass Effect trilogy was supposed to be. I had intended to ride out the spring and summer months with near constant replays of ME3. Instead, the ending left me with a poor taste in my mouth and effectively killed any interest I had in ever replaying any game in the series. But that’s another post. (One that I’ve tried to write, but couldn’t find the words.)

Tonight (or today, if it happens to be daytime where ever you are right now) I want to vent about the shit that Korean publisher NCSoft took on one of their most successful games, City of Heroes.

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