I Really Need That Machete.

I had to go to the mall tonight.  There was only one store that Mel needed to go to.  I didn’t need to be there at all.  Mel doesn’t know the mall here, and so she needed me to guide her.  She was in this store the other day, after wandering the mall aimlessly.  I asked her what it was near.

“I think… Sobeys?”
When someone answers your directions-related questions with a question, it will never end well.
Turns out, the store was nowhere near Sobeys.  In fact, it could only have been further away from Sobeys had it not been in the mall at all.  So I got to cut my way through mall Christmas foot traffic without a machete.  
Halfnaked, fake tanned women walking around aimlessly, leathery skin shining hideously in florescent light.   Packs of teenage girls jabbering on amongst themselves, while faithful lapdogs with their sideways caps trip over their own pants behind the girls, texting each other.  And of course, the one creepy looking middleaged guy in front of the coffee shop, with the button up shirt with 3 buttons undone, greying chest hair poofing out between the links of his “gold” chain and cross staring just a little too long at the leathery women and chatty girls.  It was… unpleasant.
I was just about to head towards Sears and see if they had a machete when two things happened.
1)  I realized that Sears is the only retail outlet that is even more expensive than Zellers.
2)  We were at the store Mel needed to go to.
She did get what she needed to, and we rushed through the mall again, me all but picking her up over my shoulder and carrying her to get us out faster.
Fuckin’ mall.

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